Best Behavior is Selling Badly, fear that my mother won't love me

If the sells of Best Behavior do not rise

I will know for sure

that my mother does not love me

I have tried so hard to make my mother happy

and still she gives me nothing to eat

she locks me in the closet

I live in the closet with a laptop

typing like little boys do

but still my mother does not love me

she does not visit me

she does not make me dinner

my father keeps telling, "Noah, your mom doesn't enjoy the company of failures."

I sit like a little boy and find lies to tell myself.

I tell myself

Mother is busy

Mother will come around one day and show up and make me dinner.

I tell myself when I get older that my mother is a victim of society.

At times spite comes and I want to yell at my mother

But instead, I yell at myself.

I punish myself.

Mother never comes.

She never visits.

The last time I called my mother she told me that I needed to "get it together."

"get it together"

I'm together mommy I promise

Michael Davidson Interview

Here is an interview with Michael Davidson

Want to do more interviews

Will have interviews coming out with Michael Davidson and xTx.

I have Sam Pink's book Self-Esteem and Blake Butler's Scord Atlas.

I'm half way through Sam Pink's book. I'm really liking it.

Some other people are sending me books also, Elizebeth Ellen and A.J. Tyler.

I would like to do more interviews.

I want to do these interviews for posterity.

I will put them together one day and make a book of them.

Then put it in an air tight container and put them in a ceramic vase in a cave to be found 2,000 years from now.

email me noah.cicero@gmail.com

I have one rule though:

I don't like to read PDFs.

I have tried to read PDFs and have failed because I like books.

I don't like nooks

I don't like new music.

I don't like new movies.

I don't like new architecture.

I don't like new politicians.

The only thing I like about cell phones is that you can check the weather on them.

I like new clothes.

I like the new female hair styles.

I like the whole organic food movement.

I like men not hitting women.

I like flat screen televisions.

But I don't like reading 200 page books on a computer.

making a trailer for Best Behavior

I've been notified that I need to make a trailer for Best Behavior.

I get to be in charge this trailer.

This is pretty serious.

Here are two book trailers I've been watching to understand the power of the book trailer

'Water' | from Scorch Atlas by Blake Butler from blake butler on Vimeo.

After watching these trailers I know I have to live up to a certain standard.

I think the trailer will be like a silent film from the 20s or maybe like 1911.

yeah, I'm going for 1911.

There will be music and no words.

I got a rapper from work to make me some beats so it is authentic shit.

I'm not filming it until it reaches 50 degrees because it is fucking cold.

1st review of Best Behavior and influences on the book

Andrew Worthington wrote a review of Best Behavior.

Andrew mentioned Jack Kerouac as an influence.

The plot was designed after Twain's Huckleberry Finn, Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises, Kerouac's On the Road and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

All four of this books plot structure around travel and experiencing things in the new places. But also at the same time there scenes where the characters are at home in the novels. Also they all contain scenes during the travel, going down the river in Huckleberry Finn, in cars for On the Road and Fear and Loathing. I can't remember Jake Barnes being in a train but there were scenes in cars.

The novels revolve around movement. The lead character is in a state of Being, constantly going somewhere, having to get somewhere, on the move. Which provides the pace for the novel.

The narrator is in omniscient first person which I don't think I have seen in many novels. On the Road resembles omniscient first person but the audience usually assumes that the first person knows these things because he has spent time with his characters and knows their histories.

Descriptions of the characters came form reading Studs Terkel books, Hard Times, Working and The Good War.

The long speeches were based off of Richard Wright and Dostoevsky's long speeches they always had. I really like that in novels, when characters just give speeches and say things. I miss that in novels, probably the reason I don't read many modern books.

The stream of consciouness comes more from Proust than Joyce. I don't really like Joyce's stream of consciousness. I really like later Proust in The Fugitive where the narrator is obviously coming from the mind.

There are several types of first person, like Glamorama, it is basicaly third person but told from the first person.

In Keroac and Hunter S. Thompson it reads like a person telling you a story.

But in Proust it reads like a person thinking about what happened. The first person isn't telling a story, but trying to gather their thoughts on certain experiences they have had. I tried to aim for that with Best Behavior.

My college newspaper the jambar wrote an article about Best Behavior

Here is the article.

The Human War Trailer

The Human War Trailer from Pirooz Kalayeh on Vimeo.

Two Interviews

This is interview was done with by Ben Kharakh

I did this interview with Steve Roggenbuck

All links Regarding Best Behavior

Here is the page on CCM with an excerpt.

Here is an excerpt on the muumuu house page.

Here is my first blog post concerning Best Behavior. This was written before I took 50 pages out of it and added an epilogue.

Best Behavior was posted for awhile, like a month or so on the blog. It got a lot of comments, read the comments, they are like blurbs by normal people.

My Favorite Songs

I spent the weekend with Jordan Castro and Sam Pink. They asked me what kind of music I listen to. So for now on, when anyone asks, "Noah, what kind of music do you like?" I will refer them to this blog post.


These are ten favorite songs.




I heard this song one night when I was in high school. I was listening to some strange radio thing where they were playing old blues songs. This is my favorite song. Play it at my funeral.



The first time I heard this song was is in an old girlfriend's car in a Denny's parking lot. It was night, she played on the song on a cassette tape and looked at me sadly. The line, "I could have loved you, but you would not let me." That breaks me. Just fucking breaks me.

Time cast a spell on you...but you won't forget me...
(I was such a fool)
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me..
(Give me one more chance)
I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you..
(Haunt you)
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you..

Oh man, that shit hurts. Just fucking hurts.



Cat Stevens is like a god to me. If I found out he was an avatar of some deity one day. I would not be surprised. I'm going to write a book about politics one day and I'm going to title a chapter, "We all want Cat Stevens to be president, but we know that we know we are actually evil and need ruthless leaders that don't mind killing people."

Heard this song for the first time in Eugene, Oregon. I remember sitting in a kitchen and listening to it drunk.



I had a mix tape when I delivered pizzas. It was nice to drive around smoking cigarettes listening to this song. I like even when Prince sounds happy, it stills sounds sad.

When Prince says, "Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Yes U are)
Little Red Corvette
U need 2 find a love that's gonna last (Oh, oh)"

Oh man, I just faint. Just fucking faint.

and when he makes ya hoo hoo thing, oh man, can't handle it. Going wild with emotion.

I'm just like, "Prince knows my soul."



I like this specific performance. Elvis is so beautiful. That no good white trash fuck from the south. Oh man, He looks like he can barely move. He dies like three weeks later he is so fucked. But he still just does it, that thing he does. I don't know what it is. When he says "Mine" for like 30 seconds. oh man, the torture.



This song reminds me of my brother. I remember him liking this song very much. I remember him not wanting anyone to talk when this song is on.

I can't even finish the song it pains me so much.



I love Metallica. This song is nothing but tragic earth of America pain. The guitar is like some sad fucking bird on a summer movie, singing by itself because it has got wounded and their flock has left without them, knowing that it is going to die.

"I was me but now he's gone"

Oh god, what pain.

Then it builds up to the last guitar solo. It just keeps working and working, like a good depression. A good depression just keeps working and working on you, then the solo start. The sad bird like noises. Reminds one a flute from 1920s jazz. It just floats and floats, then it busts into this fast pace, seemless noise of pain and frustration. Then it just fades, saying, it isn't over.




this song kills me. The first time I heard was in a bar in Youngstown. I was sitting in some sad white trash bar, drinking my life away in my mid twenties. I had zero reason to live then. I think I wrote Burning Babies and The Condemned then. I felt so terrible. I can't imagine a person being more miserable. Who that person was, I can't even recognize anymore. I was sitting in the bar drinking Black Velvet and coke, and then this song came on. I remember such a feeling came over me. Oh, sweet misery. Oh Stevie. You are reaching out to me.



I heard this song in the fall. The fall is so miserable, full of longing. This might be my funeral song. I haven't decided yet.

This song just breaks me apart. I can't help but collapse into a little emotional ball when I hear it.

It just reminds me of fall when I was little. All the falls, with its colored leaves and walking around in sweaters. I feel I could write several 100 vignettes listening to this song.

"I keep your memory, you visit me in my sleep." Oh man.

Best Behavior can be ordered, please order it. Please. Please.

Best Behavior can be ordered.

It can been ordered here at Amazon.

And at Barnes and Nobles.

Thank you to everyone that orders it.

Figured out being an American is impossible

I'm doing my senior thesis on The History of High Debt and its Consequences on Government.

What of the things i'm doing is calculating how much money a family making an annual income of 60,000 a year spends on taxes and necessities.

Here is what I came up with using a married couple with kids that live in Hubbard, Oh. I live in Hubbard, OH.

Fed social state income city
(60,000 x .15)+(60,000 x .084)+ (60,000 x .04983)+ (60,000 x .014)
9000 + 5040 + 2998 + 840
=17878
60,000 - 17,878
42,122 left

average cost insurance for a family according to Kaiser family foundation
13,373

42,122 -13,373
= 28,749

sat the monthly mortage is 1200 a month which equals 14,400

28,749 - 14,400
= 14,349

Then I added in the price of owning one car
insurance payments gas oil changes two new tires
(66 x 12)+ (200 x 12)+ (40 x 52)+ (35 x 4)+ 300
792+2400+2080+140+300
=5712 x 2 but lets say one car is paid off and they have group insurance, lets just add 3000.
=8712

14,349 - 8712
= 5637

This does not include the heating, electricity or water.

I admit there are some problems with the choosing of the numbers, I tried to pick them to resemble the bills of someone making 60,000. There are also other things like tax credits that I didn't include.

I think if this data shows anything, it is that health insurance and cars are the main problem.

I understand the 15% income tax and the local taxes because the federal governent provides military protection, interstates, national parks, the EPA, FDA and other things. And the local governments provide protection, roads, parks, everything needed to live a normal life. If you minus social security it equals 12,838, which seems worth.

Social security is money for the future.

It seems sad though that it adds up 17,000. That is a lot of fucking money.

The price of owning one's own home makes sense, it is a large structure that took a lot of money to build and keeps you free from the world of cold and bugs.

The main two that seem to be the problem are the health insurance and the car expense.

It seems like it would be logical just to have national health care, it would probably reduce the cost of health insurance by several thousand because everyone would be paying into it.

the main problem besides health care are cars. Cars seem to be a burden on Americans that they never think about. But the cost of having one and maintaining one really adds up. I did not even include if the car breaks.

I feel that this maybe where the teabaggers and where most Americans are getting their emotional rage.

Every year passes and they have saved no money. They are probably deeper in the hole as each year passes.

Noah Cicero sells out

News from my existence.

*

Someone posted on my, "He sold out when he made friends."

That is funny.

*

Best Behavior can be ordered from amazon and purchased from Barnes and Nobles. You have to go to the counter at Barnes and Nobles to order it.

*

I am on a new diet for my psoriasis.

Psoriasis is a skin condition where red dots show up your skin and have white flakes on them.

I have red dots all over body, on my scalp, in my ears, on my eyebrows, on my legs, all over my belly. I look pretty terrible naked. If I eat a lot of bread products they itch horribly and hurt.

it is genetic and there is no cure for it. Nobody really knows what causes it either. There are a million opinions on it. None of them strong enough to believe.
Supposedly in my 60s I will get terrible arthritis and I will die four years earlier than the average human.

The diet is pretty hardcore.

I can not have these things:
beef
pig
all milk products
all processed foods (all candy)
no wheat based products containing gluten (pasta, pizza and bread)
tomatoes and peppers
coffee, pop and alcohol
white sugar

I have basically been eating salads and asian food.

I can eat birds, so lots of chicken and the other day I ate some duck form a chinese restaurant.

Have to drink 60 ounces of water a day.
The only thing I drink besides water is kombucha tea and GT's kombucha.

The diet was pretty hard at the start because my body was used to getting more calories a day from cheese, bread and meat. But after a week it leveled out and I've lost five pounds in the last three weeks.

It also got worse before it got better, which means it crusted up and the red dots cracked and blood oozed out of them for several days. but that is over now.

I am starting to get better.

*

Today Jordan Castro's dad put a tooth implant in my mouth.

It is like a metal screw in my jaw.

Feel like I might set off metal detectors now.

or that I might be a cyborg.

This is my theme song today.

The Human War won third place at the Appalachian Film Festival.

A good place. Third the Bronze.

sweet pic

ani smith made this sweet pic

it's a gif

Drinking Kombucha Tea

I'm sitting here drinking here drinking kombucha tea.

Trying to understand

My book Best Behavior can be ordered.

It appeared on this blog, but now it is missing 50 pages and a new 35 pages are added. It is not the same book.

The book was written two years ago out of boredom. I don't know why I was bored. But I was. And that is what I did with my time. It states on the site that the book is like, "The truest ever told." I don't know if the book is the truest ever told. Saying 'ever' makes it ordinal. People like ordinal things. Maybe the world must be ran on ordinal assumptions or we would be confused all the time. We wouldn't know the order of things, the rank, the how to treat each other. I think I try to escape the ordinal when I write. Just for a minute, away from the ordinal. But I've checked my amazon ranking several times today, checking the ordinal.

There is also a movie trailer on kickstarter for Shoplifting at American Apparel. The movie needs 37,000 dollars to be made. It has a little over 2,000 now. I hope people donate to it. I would like to act more. I need to memorize my lines though, because when I went to the thing, I didn't have my lines memorized and it was embarrassing.

I have only been in an American Apparel once. It was in New York and Tao Lin was actually with me. I looked around and felt disinterested. When I met my girlfriend she was wearing an American Apparel red t-shirt she bought offline. It made her look very cute.

There is a shitstorm on HTML giant concerning Jordan Castro's post on Muumuu House writing. I wrote something for HTML about the shitstorm that will appear next week. I just reread it and feel unsure about it. I've been writing political posts for Who Are about to Die that appear every Wednesday. I have a hard time believing anything I write after a day. I look back at it and don't believe that I believe that. But I let it go to the world anyway. I'm not sure when I write a nonfiction piece that I am aiming at facts or truth, just thought. Just writing thoughts on things, nothing is concrete. Nothing is assumed to be true. I want people to think that My Thoughts could change with new facts or even with new emotions. And that they the audience should allow themselves to freely flow with their thoughts, not forcing themselves to stick with just one thought, until that thought becomes a habit and then the habit becomes a stubborn behavior. I have become very afraid of assuming anything to be true which has led to a certain style of writing that just ends nowhere. I always try to finish it though with a good line, but a lot of times that last line just kind of ends up not really saying anything.

BEST BEHAVIOR CAN BE PREORDERED

go HERE

GO TO AMAZON

IT IS CHEAP

THE BOOK IS PRINTED IN AMERICA

IT WILL HAVE CHEAP SHIPPING COSTS

WRITE A REVIEW

LINK THIS POST

I NEED TO DO A FUCKING BOOK PARTY

SERIOUSLY

Literary Lineup

This is a lineup of important internet literary voices

Watch me Act, donate money so I can act more

Go here, watch a small movie trailer, watch me act, it is funny, I look funny, then donate money.