Sunday, July 11, 2010


I feel like I've spent the last year making shit up

I make up about five to six life plans a day

everyone i know is talking about their life plans

there is an endless amount of life plans going around

I can't seem to be able to snatch one up

My life plan was to go back to school.

I was working at Lone Star and everyone was going to school

and I thought, "Oh, it seems like a good idea, go to school. Sounds great, that's a life plan."

So I started going

I think maybe I thought I would drop out and have more excuses of why I'm so useless

But I kept going

Because the government keeps giving me a lot of money to go

And then I met a woman who is in college

and now I am a college man that dates a college woman

And now I have taken my two required spanish classes and I just finished my first math class and now I'm half way through my second one. And I'm not failing these math classes, I'm actually passing them and doing fine.

Basically after I pass this math class, everything difficult will be over. Or everything I don't want to do will be over, and I'll be able to graduate in the spring no problem.

I've emailed a bunch of people asking them questions about what I should do.

I kept thinking I want to something for people so I'm getting a political science with applied sociology minor.

But I don't know about that.

I think I still want to entertain and write.

But where?

For who?

I don't know

I even considered going to Hollywood for five minutes.

Or being a travel writer.

Or going to south korea and teaching english.

maybe going to New Zealand.

Maybe going to New York City

or Chicago

I don't know.

I know I want to leave Youngstown.

I don't think there is anything else I need to do here.

I look around and feel like my work is done here.

I feel like I'm an entertainer.

Like that is calling.

or something.

I wouldn't even mind working in radio or a TV show.

Which sounds odd.

I don't know.

Somebody tell me some of their life stories, maybe it'll help me think about my life.


brittany wallace said...

life stories.

once i was in grade school and some asshole redneck who looked like eminem said "why don't you go shave your arms" to me. i looked at my arms, sitting there at the lunch table. i thought to myself, "i am southern italian. i am also slovenian. i have hair on my body. why should i take a razor to my entire body." i felt embarrassed. i knew then that i needed to go educate myself on the psychological makeup of douchebags. currently, i learn to empathize with them and also study couture fashion.


Scott Tammaro said...

I think the nomadic life is where it's at. Roots are important but they exist so we can branch out. You can always return.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to be an astronaut, then found physics too hard and boring. I then too wanted to be an an entertainer, a rock star, but really only wanted sex and drugs, not to be idolized or aplauded by anyone. My plan now is to just be a regular person in a sea of regular people, nothing exceptional. This I know is not helpful and dreary. It depends on what you really really want, who knows?

adam said...

Going to South Korea and teaching English will make you a lot of money. But you will have to deal with a very insular community of expatriate whites, many of whom are in South Korea because they can't deal with social lives in their home countries. Maybe you'd like that.

Mylum said...

I lived in Amarillo Texas for 20 years and it was very hot and flat. I didn't have many friends. I liked the ones I did have. When we were older we drank too much Sailor Jerry's rum and rang church bells at three o'clock in the morning. We would then wake up, go to work, and more or less do it all over again.

Then I moved to "go to college" and still have no clue what I'm doing. I'd rather be drunk on rum at three in the morning ringing church bells with friends.

Good luck, my friend.

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Anonymous said...

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