Wednesday, June 16, 2010

yes, true

Today I read this blog post

and

thought

yes true

Today is Bloomsday

Bloomsday is the reminder I have to remember when my brother committed suicide

which was today

I think 6 years ago

2004.

I woke up early and did algabre with a crazy polish ex-commie

then i came home

and showered

i didn't shave

I'm scuffy for political reasons

Then I drove back to the campus and went to the math tutor

She taught me to find likeness or combine them or something

Went to bernice's moms and ate eggs and hotdogs mixed together

Finished my math homework at the kitchen table

read 70 pages of Weber on the couch

and then

weed whacked

then got a sun tan

i keep thinking i should contact another humans and go somewhere

but i don't know if i want to talk

i don't want to think of things to say

and i don't want to have to reply

to what is being said to me

i don't think

as of today

any topics need to be discussed out loud

I feel like i should get flowers and drive them to my brother's grave

but i don't feel like driving

it is like 20 minutes there and i'll have to get gas and that will cost like five dollars

i don't have any money for flowers either

I don't want to go there alone either

It doesn't seem right to be there alone

There is a diary queen near the cemetary, maybe my friend Biz will be there and she always says interesting things.

Maybe i could go to the yankee kitchen and my first girlfriend will be there, she is tall and sad, divorced with three kids.

Okay, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to leave my house

I don't have any money for flowers

but maybe i could like

kick his grave or something

and try to act like a brother

or something.

5 comments:

adam said...

I'm not in touch with my brother. I wish I was. He's still alive, so at least there's a chance we'll talk again.

aaron nicholas said...

this is unrelated re: "yes, true"

a friend of mine picked up "the insurgent" out of my 'library crate' on a whim and ended up reading it a day later and loved it. since then it has made its way through the hands of other people who are friends and they all have loved it.

just wanted to let you know that.

sarah said...

feel better noah. we can all have laughs soon.

aaron nicholas said...

i feel insensitive in light of your extremely revealing post/feel like you 'put yourself out there' and my complete ignorance of said post was in bad taste.

this is (was) heartbreaking to read. i'm sorry and i'm glad you are able to write about it. best wishes to you.

Bambi Almendinger said...

shitty things always seem to happen on bloom's day