Thursday, December 03, 2009

Computer Lab Impressionism

I'm sitting here listening to regina spektor.

It doesn't seem very serious.

There is a hipster girl in here.

I don't know what she is doing in the political science lab.

This is a lab only for the most serious americans.

A girl is sitting near me. She keeps staring with her hand propping her head up. She isn't typing. She is emotionally preparing herself to check her facebook.

Now I'm listening to go Zee Avi. I met a girl the other day that seemed like a Zee Avi song. So I went on a date with her. It was true, she was like a Zee Avi song. I felt very good. We are still talking. Currently we are playing hard to get.

The hipster is text messaging someone, she wrote, "I'm thinking about becoming a nursing major and putting on twenty pounds."

There is a cute black girl in here. She looks really serious. When she gets drunk she turns into a slut.

Another girl is in here. She is wearing a blue top. I think I saw her naked in 2002.

I'm in the corner of the room drinking mexican organic coffee. I just keep staring around the room. Nobody seems concerned with me staring at them. They are all really busy thinking about their things. They have work to do. I have none. I did all my work because I'm old and responsible.

Another cute black girl just came in. She has a cute white coat. I like her coat.

I don't think any of these women are like Zee Avi songs.

A little white guy just came in wearing a pink shirt and he has his hat on backwards. I have no idea what could cause a person to put their hat on backwards. Do they put it on frontways first and then turn it backwards, or just put it on backwards to begin with.

This morning I was walking down the street. It was cold and I felt completely apathetic about the morning. It was happening, I was happening, the Mcdonalds was happening. It occured to me that my next autobiography should be called White Collar Man.

Last night I smoked a cigarette with three kids from Vassar College. They told me that Vassar has unisex bathrooms. I told the girl that I didn't like shitting with anyone in there. Bathrooms for one would be the best. She agreed. They told me somebody died naked on campus once. I wasn't paying attention hard enough to get all the facts. Just the good fact.

More young women came in the political science lab. They look like twins. I don't have my glasses. They are pretty far away. I don't know their names or where they live. I don't even know their majors. They are looking at the same page on the internet. The webpage is important to both of them.

The young women just left. They felt no need to be in the political science lab anymore. They are going to the mall to buy christmas presents.

Somebody at work the other day said, 'I hate the holidays.' I said, 'If you hate the holidays, you hate the J-MAN!' One of my managers, a male and Italian who likes to sing Metallica and Pearl Jam said, 'The J-MAN was born, then died, and was like born again.' Then I walked around yelling, 'The J-MAN don't like assholes.' My comments about The J-MAN not liking assholes made the guy who dislikes the holidays feel bad. He started acting nicer for the rest for the night. The man who dislikes the holidays is Irish Catholic, CCD came back, he felt the guilt, the J-MAN returns. The Irish Catholic drinks at least six beers a day and has a terrible complexion. He felt guilty because he didn't know that I was saying J-MAN but I was actually thinking about the Nightman from It's always Sunny.

Another cute black chick came in. All the white women in this room suck.

I've decided to judge everyone by their attractiveness level for the next 15 minutes. Everyone I know that does that are happier than me.

A white boy just came in, his hat is on frontways. It is a fucking Yankees hat. (Fuck the yankees and the lakers)

Now I'm listening to Nightman over and over again. It is making me a better person.

I just looked and realized that the white boy with his hat on backwards wearing a pink shirt, is wearing a net cap under under his hat.

A class is starting. I have to go.


brittany wallace said...

there is a fraternity who would sit outside of the student center and hold up signs with numbers on them everytime a female walked by. 10 for "damn she's sexy i would like to roofie her." down to 1 for "very unattractive to me and my bros."

i never experienced it firsthand but they disgusted many people.

Jordan Castro said...

that is me and my friend aaron

sarah san said...

"All the white women in this room suck."


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ryan manning said...

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victoria said...

damn jordan

If I knew anything, it could save us all said...

Backwards hats are so 90's and they are never coming back. Ever. And if they do, I will begin to take every one of them off and throw them in a fire pit that will suddenly appear at the wave of my magicians hand, and then disappear once the hat begins to burn so that said person who's head I disected the hat from will not be able to jump in and retrieve it. Although, it would be hilarious to watch them jump in, and then make the fire pit vanish into a parallel universe that only has fire and burning hats and all of the backwards wearing hat freaks who I have now encompassed inside my magical vortex of Apple Jacks cereal and Jack Johnson, which have no relation whatsoever, unless the real name of the cereal is Apple Jacks Johnson, then of course I am completely wrong and will endure the wrath of a godzilla like creature known as MC Hammer.

somebody said...