Friday, July 04, 2008

ON THIS JULY 4TH I WANT TO SAY A FEW THINGS

I think Ron Paul is stupid. He is really good at listing problems. But doesn't seem to have one solution to any of them, his ideas are all hypothetical ideas based off an oil-age system.

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Barack Obama seems really sad to me now. He used to be like all happy and bouncy and lovely. Now he sits there sad. He has a commercial where he lists every cliche that Americans believe in to give themselves confidence so they don't admit to themselves that their futures are over and their lives are really actually sad and lonely and empty.

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I feel really empty this July 4th.

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I'm going to the mountain top next week. I hope a bear eats me.

I hope I put up a good fight.

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I sat all morning reading a book about Buddhism. I'm going to give a speech on The Great emo Wheel.

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John McCain is lying really badly. He is old and wants to be president. He has dreamed of being president all his life. He wants something really bad. He won't get even in the end.

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68,000 people lost their job last month. Maybe more because people being hired makes that number less. Each one of those numbers is a human. That human went to work. They told him, "Go home." Those humans told to go home went home without a job. They can't sleep at night now. McCain wants to be president.

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Last night on night line they featured a thing on tennis. They never mentioned oil being 145 a barrel.

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The Visigoths are outside Rome.

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America fought the revolution because they were in debt to England and England was charging them interest on money like The Federal Reserve does with us.

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I've heard several people say, "If they just legalized weed and taxed it. They could solve our economic problems."

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I got Burning Babies in the mail yesterday, I sit and stare at copies of the human war, the condemned, treatise and burning babies and think, about how i am 27. I am a man. I have no children. No money. There are people that like me, but I am never sure why. And I can't help but doubt anyone likes me. I send emails and don't get replies and feel worried. Even though I know the person is busy and the email was more a statement and not a question. There are two emails concerning literature that i need to reply to. I don't know what to say to them. Pirooz wants to make the human war into a movie. he has even paid for the right. I have accepted the deal, but I don't know how to feel. I still feel really empty and lonely inside and like this is it, my present reality. I get bored and eat lambs quarters out of the yard. I never feel like i know enough to do something. even though the people are doing things usually don't know shit. the buddha didn't leave his father's palace until he was 29 I'm 27. People keep telling me i look thirty. I look older now. I look in the mirror and think, there is a man there. I have wrinkles on my forehead. I have fear down in me, swelling, and bulging like buboes on my skin. I keep thinking i was young once, i keep thinking i was young once, young once, i was young and graduated and two days after graduation i left in a caprice across america to the grand canyon, i saw the rockies for the first time, i slept at a motel owned by asians. The shower water trickled out and was cold. it was beautiful. i was young. i ate in the mcdonalds parking lot. alone, looking at it all. i was alone once. i'm still alone. bernice is here but doesn't bother me. we only really talk once a week on mondays. the rest of the days are alone. i feel horrible when i talk. i will regret this after i write it. i'm worried about other people. worried about myself. worried. i look at the ceiling, and think i was young once, i look at my shoes and feel sad. my books exist, they have covers designed by artists, i keep smoking cigarettes, they do not have the answer, ron paul doesn't answer my questions, the buddha doesn't answer my question, i don't know if i have questions, maybe they can't tell me what to do, this could be my main problem, the source of all my discomfort, i won't just allow others to tell me what to do, i have forsaken all my family and all my old friends, i still have food, no sex, no money, no sweet car or publishing deal, the human war will be made into a movie and fireworks will explode in the sky tonight and many will get drunk and the young will flirt with beer stolen from their parents, and i will continue to live, i will wait this day out, i've waited many days out, and i will wait this day, i'll wait this whole life out if i have to.

12 comments:

Tao Lin said...

noah

Tao Lin said...

sales will rise

the new york times magazine will profile you

we will get silver rims on our cars

philip roth will call us on the phone to say congratulations

Chris said...

i got treatise and burning babies in the mail yesterday

i haven't read a novel in over six months

i am excited about these books

Zachary German said...

i'm in the hamptons

adam said...

I haven't gotten anything yet.

jereme said...

i have empathy for the person who thought these thoughts conveyed in this post.

fuck america

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Vin du Cicero: A powerful and concentrated wine offering loads of cellaring potential. Begins with a dense nose of cassis, berries and a dash of liquorice. A huge, full-bodied palate ensues and endures. For extra special meals of beef, duck and venison. Should peak in 2018.

Benjamax said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keith Whitener said...

On the last paragraph:

I sometimes felt when I was growing up that people thought I was of poor quality at academically, character-wise, athletically, etc. Since one sees oneself as others do, I saw myself as bad. So when people give me praise, I feel uncomfortable and very distressed because I want it to be true but my first instinct is that it's not true at all. This has caused me great misery that has lasted for long periods of time. Once even for a whole year. So, this is something I can relate to.

brandon said...

i love you

brian salchert said...

Don't know where to begin, or where
to go after that. This period of
Earth's history is highly complex,
and with each passing day/ changes
occur more rapidly. I came within
moments of being dead when I was 21
and could have been dead many times
since. I am now 67, and my being
alive is a total mystery. Do not
go the mountain top unless God
tells you it's time to/ build an ark.
Send me an e-mail. If I still am,
I will send one back.

Safety and strength.

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