Monday, April 21, 2008

HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELVES AGAINST MORONS ON THE INTERNET

Defending oneself against morons on the Internet can be therapeutic.

It allows one to take hate out on a person they will never meet. Which means no real consequences will come of it.

One must have want for combat of The Ultimate Warrior and the Linguistic precision of Ludwig Wittgenstein.

This is what you do:

1. Remember you are talking to an audience. Not to them. They are a moron, they aren't ever going to side with you. Even if they do, it will be later in their life and they will not mention your name as an influence.

Speak to the audience. Use their name in the third person. Do not lower yourself to their status of moron. You are so much better than them and awesome you would never speak to them directly as a person.

You have to remember that they are going to read it, but the important thing is that others are going to read it.

2. Only speak directly to the moron if it is in a condescending voice. Treating them like a child.

3. It is best to speak directly to them in question form. The audience will remember the questions and if they answered them in their response. Pick questions that are existential or as Freud defined questions people would show resistance to.

Make it hard for them to respond without being be flustered in emotion.

4. Do not show much emotion. Just enough and in the right places. You have to show it did not cause you emotion. They are too beneath you they could never cause it.

5. Deconstruct as many sentences of theirs as possible that are meaningless, cliche, and have stupid and deranged implications. Isolate those sentences and let people stare at them.

Morons have been working for 1000s of years perfecting their craft of setting up cliches next to each other to give the impression of intelligence. But if you isolate their thoughts and disconnect them from the other cliches, people will see they really don't know what they are talking about.

6. Somehow find a way to imply they are a Nazi, Stalinist, racist, homophobic, etc. The audience will instantly discredit them on that.

7. If they have no quotes, give quotes. If they have some quotes, give more quotes.

8. Give lessons on things like a teacher would do. It shows you have more erudition and the blogging audience loves erudition. A moron is too lazy and scared to give lessons, because the lesson will show they don't know what they are talking about.

9. Find a piece of their writing and shit on it.

10. Find out what writers they like and shit on them.

11. Write more than them that will you less lazy than them. And know more what you are talking about.

12. The most important thing is that you never respond more than once. You MUST never respond back. You must never let it become an argument. The Ubermensch never argues. The Urbermensch gives only one reply. This shows your superiority as an individual and that they are below you.

11 comments:

Gene said...

three words: eat a dick

KEN BAUMANN said...

7 made me laugh

Anonymous said...

would you describe yourself as a misanthrope?

Anonymous said...

do you like celery? what if the celery is cooked?

Anonymous said...

does your tap water taste funny? Mine does.

Anonymous said...

cheese is burning. Gotta go.

traxus4420 said...

these are really good

the only one i'd disagree with is 12. having lots of responses in a row sort of goes with 11. people are more likely to read your brilliant shit-talkery if it's in lots of small bite-size chunks than if it's in essay form. if people have to scroll through 6 of your comments for every one of your enemy's, it's like you've already won.

the comments just have to not be at different times during the day. the closer they are together, the smarter you will appear.

brandon said...

i laughed

Noah Cicero said...

traxus

i'll try that next time

Pembroke Dog said...

right-o

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