Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I've been reading Wittgenstein. It has been snowing and cold and I'm trying to quit smoking again.

I had an earlier post about a man named Jeb and his racism. How he and other random white assholes say stupid racist shit at work.

Another example I'm going to use is a female named Deidra who is convinced that males do nothing all day but want to fuck women, mainly her.

But there is a problem with this. They say they believe these things. But don't SHOW it. They both deal with blacks and men on a daily basis, and don't show physically in concrete reality this perversion of thought concerning those certain individuals.

I mean if Jeb really hates black people, if he really believes that Martin Luther King is an asshole then he would spit on black people, be ignorant to them in person.

If a woman really thought that every man's only purpose was to fuck women, then they would run from them in fear of rape.

But still they hang out with them, the deal with them, they live with them, etc etc.

So something else is going on.


People aren't usually thinking.

People enter into a context and react. Not with language, but with referents, either image, feeling, smell. Past referents surge up and dictate the next movement.

This explains why we can drive down the road and not have to think about each curve and turn.

But I think it is more than that.

I was thinking about the grill man at the steak house. He stands there, stares down at the meat. Touches it with his tongs to see if it done or not. And flips it or removes it from the grill and puts it on a plate.

I don't think he thinks about it.

I don't think even think any words are involved. Just reactions.

A lot of people don't think. A lot of people react. This would explain why there are so many people that seem to be almost unconcious or to some stubborn or insane.

To go on:

Bernice made this observation:

Jeb says racist shit when he is surrounded by white males and no black people are around. He is reacting to the stimulant of being surrounded by white males and no black people.

Deidra remarks on males works in the same way. She is surrounded by females and they are having a shit talking conversation concerning males, so she says males are all trying to fuck women, and that's all they do. Or a male pisses her off and she accuses him or reduces his whole life to nothing but trying to fuck women all day.

They don't actually "believe" what they say. They are reacting to stimulants.

Now it still must be said these are defects in their personalities. That it is possible for them to change. But for the sake of analyzing their behavior on a microcosm level, it is just reaction without thought.

Also at the same time, you could tell they don't what they are talking about, they talk their lives are shams, because if you accuse them of it. If you approach Jeb or Deidra they will scream, "Shut up, you're an asshole! You're retarded!"

So they are conscious of their lying. Because if the self-deception was purely reactionary, purely determined they wouldn't show resistance. They would calmly stand there like a docile little hamster on xannex. And they wouldn't need to respond, they wouldn't seek validation if they were convinced they were right.


It works like this:

It works like how we know if someone is in pain.

Now, we cannot know if someone is in pain. If Joe is in pain, and we are not Joe. We cannot feel Joe's pain.

Identifying pain is others is like this:

Joe is at my house. Joe falls down the stairs. I run over to see if he is okay. Joe is holding his left knee and wincing and making growling noises. I identify that as Joe's left knee is fucked up.

I don't know what Joe's pain feels like. But I can tell from his bodily movements that he is in pain.

Jeb sees the stimulant of white males standing around and talking, being asshole with each other. But no actual racism takes place from the conversation.

Deidra gets into a fight with a male and to try to hurt him says men aren't worth shit and want nothing but sex. Even though a day earlier she was very interested in his job, his education, his painting skills, that he liked tomatoes and didn't like potatoes, etc. That she did acknowledge that he was human and had likes and dislikes and accomplishments earlier.


How could a person so clearly contradict him or herself? How could a person not think it is insane they are displaying such contradictions?

Thinking doesn't seem to be something humans do naturally. Thinking or Critical Thinking is the result of a problem occuring.

That a person is confronted with a dialectical problem. That they need to negate a negation. And there is not a simple cliche to get the negation negated.

A person will resort to thought.

If look at the history of mankind and around you. No one is thinking, because there are no real problems.

And what do we say when we have the smallest problem? Like: What major to pick, if one should leave their lover. Or even two people sitting around and they decide to go somewhere to eat, and one person goes, "Where do you want to go?" and the other goes, "Let me think."

Thinking is deciding. It is pulling up the possibilities and choosing one.

There are problems like: A person's car is broken down on the side of the road. They have a problem. They call around to information. Information gives them some numbers to call. They call and a tow truck comes. The negation is negated.

The person you love doesn't love you.

You can't go out because you have a kid and you can't afford or can't find a baby sitter.


What does it mean though: you are Jeb or Deidra. Nothing you say corresponds with what you do. Your words contradict your behaviors constanstly.

You would have to view language not as a fluid kind of flexible system. But as a solid non-flexing tool. As if language worked like the movement of one's arm.

Jeb finds himself alone with white males and no black people. He sees the white males. He hears a slightly racist comment. And he reacts with his spiel. A spiel that is usually always the same and really cliche and commonplace.

He reacts the same way one would react shewing away a fly.

There is no substance in it.

Most conversation takes place like this though:

A racist conversation, usually concerns jokes and other tales of stupidity.

Conversations usually don't concern problem solving though.

Many conversations are listing.

People listing what bands they listen to, what movies they like. What cars they have had.

People many times tell stories. Someone will tell how they broke a bone and another will tell another broken bone story etc.

Most conversations work like this:

There are some children with marbles. And each child comes and shows their marbles and compares marbles.

The stories, opinions, names of movies, are like marbles. They are like objects one shows to other people. Simple reactions.

I want to state that sexism and racism is not that easy to explain. I'm not explaining the existential or psychology consructs of the racist and sexist mind. I'm trying to show how when a person that isn't racist or sexist in actually reality ends up making racist and sexist comments.

Now I do not know what would happen if a Hitler took over and he said to kill black people. Perhaps Jeb would do it. Then it would be a reality.

Or if women took over and decided to put men in prison because they were afraid they were going to be raped.

I don't know what Deidra would do.

Probably what their friends were doing.

They will probably do what their friends were doing no matter what. If Jeb's friends were like, "Come on Jeb, lets go help this black homeless man find a place to live." He probably would.

I do think though that if he was made a manager of a business he wouldn't hire black people. Then his racism would become a reality.

Jeb wants to be liked.


We don't actually respond to direct reality.

Jeb wants to be liked. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be an outcast or weird or different. And at the same time he wants to "feel better" than other people. He knows, there are six billion people and that makes him small. He knows he is has a shitty little powerless life and he is doomed to live out his days being powerless. He resorts to racism, sexism, to a false identity to find security.

Our reactions have so much feeling in them.

We don't run off the road, because we don't want to slam the car into something. We feel like doing that.

It can only be described as a "feeling".

"Why don't you shoot yourself in the leg?"

"Because I don't feel like it."

I guess you could say, "Because it will make a giant hole. Blood will pour out. I might walk with a limp. I don't have health care. etc."

You don't do it, because you don't feel like having the problems resulting from shooting yourself in the leg.



What would Jeb act like if he was being authentic?

Jeb would never talk shit about black people because he actually in reality shows no distain whatsoever for them. Or he would talk about how he is afaid of black people. And that they scare him and cause him to feel inadequate. He wouldn't make fun of overweight women, because his wife is overweight, which means he fucks overweight women. There is record of his penis getting near a skinny girl's pussy.


Sometimes I really like stupid crack heads. I've met a lot of poor ugly stupid crack heads that were honest. They weren't intelligent. But they would say, "I'll fuck anything that moves."

This is why I wrote The Warrior story in The Condemned. Because she didn't contradict herself. What she said corresponded with her words.


I've met a lot of people who are complete assholes that talk like they are Jesus.


I want to say so I am not misunderstood, I'm not sure if Authenticity makes anything better. Or if it even matters. I've met a lot of non sexist, non racist, hard working people who didn't seem to ever think about anything. They were authentic but shallow. I know a guy, he goes to school, works hard, plays guitar, reads a book every once and awhile, but honestly says, "I date for looks. If I want to laugh and have friends, I'll go to my friends' houses. Sex doesn't require laughter."

He was being honest.

So I don't know.


I want to say so no one thinks they are being degraded that I do not condone racism, sexism, and basing your sex partners only on looks is awesome.

I do not give positive reinforcement to these behaviors.


Sabra Embury said...

I'm a decent looking girl who guys try to have sex with, who's dealt with racism and studied psychology so made me think about a lot of things.

First, I used to hate people. All people. The I didn't feel like hating anymore. It was a waste of energy and it was spreading like a virus.

So instead of telling myself that people were mostly fucked up and stupid and hopeless, I made excuses for them, for their naivety, by embracing mine, since I have a tendency to hate in others what I dislike most about myself.

I read about something called the Fundamental Attribution Error about attitudes in context to experience, and in that perhaps the girl Deidra has been fucked over by a guy or two, and you're right, she's reacting.

Jeb...maybe his fat wife fucks black guys, maybe Jeb found big black penis porn or dildo in the cookie jar, maybe Jeb has a small penis and feels inferior, and that's why his wife has sex with black guys, on tape, and he found it!

Okay, I'm getting, not sexually, excited.

They are getting positive reinforcement in any case, from attention. It seems they're playing a role as some sort of character in a tv show, so in a way if the ratings are high why not go for an Emmy?

Sometimes I wonder if it's okay to let yourself be really honest and in the same way you don't like mushrooms on pizza or having sex with ugly people, if you are blessed with that option, is it okay to say things like, "I'm a misogynist."?

The other day my gay nurse buddy told me, he said, "I have to be honest, I hate children and I'm a total misogynist."

Does that make him a bad person? To some I suppose, absolutely. To me, no. I understand where he's coming from. And I know he's not ignorant or simple.

There's a part of me which still hates too probably, which make my buddy's statements funny. His honesty is charming in a way to me. And he only has sex with good looking men.

adam said...

I generally don't accept at face value what people claim to think of others. It seems pretty obvious to me that context can change anything about anybody, because we've been taught that being liked and adapting to context is better than being disliked and refusing to adapt. But "being liked" does not always deal with the same people, I think. You can say something contrary to what one group believes to fit in with another group you want to be liked by more even if you believe in what neither group says.

People are chaotic disasters of social pressure.

I don't like people.

somebody said...