CloverField Interview

Tao Lin lives in New York City, he knows The Big Apple. Tao is giving an exclusive interview on how Cloverfield the new hit movie would really go down if a giant monster attacked it.

me: if a giant monster attacked NYC, where would you hide?
Tao: i would hide in my bed with the lights off laying on my back holding the laptop over me checking statcounter and sales ranks
me: If a good sized monster spider attacked you, what would you use as a weapon?
Tao: i would let the spider eat me. if someone wants to eat me and it is trying really hard i will let it happen. why do i deserve to live? it is just trying to do what it wants to do. i feel confused most of the time and emotional so maybe the spider deserves tolive more than i do. i would lay down and let it eat me.
Sent at 11:52 PM on Friday
me: if this was your
girlfriend, would you go to the center of manhatten where the monster is instead of leaving the city, to save her
she also has a giant piece of metal sticking up through her chest
Tao: i think i would go to the center of manhattan to try to save her. i would leave the city and live by a river but i think about how bored i will be checking statcounter all the time and listening to sunny day real estate and i don't think i want that. i would rather be eaten by a monster.
me: What movie do you think is better Cloverfield or Manhatten by Woody Allen and do you think Diane Keaton or Mia farrow were better in Woody Allen movies?
Tao: i like manhattan by woody allen more. i like the scene where he is laying on his couch thinking about things. that is a calm scene. i think i prefer diane keaton to mia. mia never laughed and she seemed concerned a lot of the time. i like mia also though. if i was sitting there feeling really alienated i wouldnt feel worse being with mia but diane keaton would make me feel worse by laughing and being happy while i was alienated because it would put pressure on me to be enthusiastic.
me: I really like that scene in Annie Hall where Annie is driving that little white car really crazy and Woody is having a panic attack, and I also like that scene when Woody is going to sniff coke and sneezes
Tao:
i like the scene in annie hall where that guy with the strange hair who is famous now. he is under the stairwell and he pulls woody allen into his little room and says he wants to drive into incoming cars sometimes.
me: christopher walkin
that is a good scene
do you like bananas
Tao: i have not see all of it
me: i like the scene where the guy gets shot and the sports guy talks over it
it is okay
Tao: noah, i am alienated
my enthusiasm level is undetectable by other people
me: everyone at work makes fun of me, they come up to me and talk in monotone voices and pretend they are sleepy
Tao: have you seen that movie ghost world?
me: a lack of enthusiasm doesn't make the $$$
ghost world has those two girls
they walk around and don't do anything and time passes and the girl gets on a bus
Tao: yes
i feel like that guy who works in the convenience store
the one who died a few days ago
me: who died
Tao: some guy
me: send me a link
Tao: brad renfro
me: i like to hear about celebrity deaths
Tao: are we going to die
how can we possibly die
are there bears near your house
me: wittgenstein said death is not an event because we don't live through it
so we don't die
no, but there are bears like two hours away in PA
PA has bears
why doesn't a monster attack
and shake things up a little
Tao: a monster attack would relieve alienation and boredom
me: it would give me something to do
i make fried onions at work
Tao: we could fight the monster
we are smart
me: we could do something and it would cause a feeling that what we were doing mattered, the most exciting urgent thing i do is make fried onions
we could fight
we need a monster
what is the most urgent thing you do
Tao: a monster or
aliens
aliens attacking
the most urgent thing i do is run down the stairs on the subway if i hear it coming
me: Aliens would be nice
how do you feel as you run
i think i started smoking again just to feel an emotion, which is guilt, but at least it is an emotion
Tao: i feel the concrete on my feet
i feel my brain calculating
the inches
my head rushes through the air
i know i am doing something
no air rushes through my hair when i'm typing, when i'm reading the comments section of my blog
me: are you ever in public and become conscious of your penis and think it about it being down there alone, flaccid and meaningless
Tao: i only think about my crotch in public when it gets a little sweaty and sticks to my thighs
then it becomes a trouble
Sent at 12:13 AM on Saturday
me: do you rate your friend how much work it takes being their friend. Because I won't be friends with someone that requires a lot of commitment to the friendship.Like i like you as a friend, because we don't live in the same city, and therefore can't ask me to go to stupid places or stupid parties and don't' call me about drama that doesn't concern me, but for some fucked up reason you think i should care.
Tao: i like friends who we will not speak to each other if there is nothing to say. if there is nothing to say we focus on our own shit. once there is something to say we might say it.
Sent at 12:15 AM on Saturday
Tao: i dont know if that is tre
true
we make good jokes together
i value that
me: Someone at work told me they believed in love, I told them masturbation is safer. What would you say if a coworker asked you if you believed in love
Sent at 12:17 AM on Saturday
me: I want to eat this woman
I've never had the urge to eat anyone before, but i think i could eat her.
Tao: i would say, watch this, and do something stupid with the pesto
me: i don't have anything else to say.
i know if i stop talking right now, i will be very alone
but i just can't think of any words that need to be communicated