Sunday, July 15, 2007


I've written about the retro-progressive theory before.

I'm adjusting what i said, in case i contradict what i've said in the past, i've read more about it and thought about it more.

Also basically the Retro-Progressive theory is this: sartre and nietzsche's ideas of how the human mind worked was this:

a person enters a situation, if it be a restaurant or college or into a fight with their lover.

the situation has stimulates and these stimulates go into a person's brain.

Then options or behaviors shoot into the front of their brain. And they pick one based on life experience.

It should be emphasized that everyone has their own personal options.

but i also that choices can come from these aspects of human nature, perhaps all of our choices are manifestions of these basic instincts.

the nature we have to at least want some power over our lives, that we are always in a state of desire, and when we don't have any power and we aren't getting what we want shitty emotions occur and shitty behavior results.

also i think this might be true, if a person has no experience concerning something,i mean has absolutely no concrete experience with something they will freeze in the circumstance.

i think Cho was able to shoot so many people because no one had ever been shot at, they had no options to choose from, they could not choose anything, for they never had one experience concernning that situation, so they froze.

also, a lot of soldiers freeze up the first time they are in combat, all the great war books have some characters that freeze. that desert storm movie, i can't remember its name with that pretty kid from donnie darko, it has a scene where the kid freezes.

To get to my point.


today i was mowing the grass with bernice's niece.

Benice's niece is 11, her father is a crack head who is in prison who has seven kids with four different women and has beat all of his baby's momas. He is a crack head, doesn't pay child support, and refuses to speak to bernice's nieces and newphews. The government won't allow him actually because he is such an asshole.

The girl's mother was in foster care, her mother died when she was four, and her father abandoned her. Her mother never speaks and is generally miserable.

(So there is no confusion, she is bernice's foster sister.)

The girl has behavioral problems, she is in therapy and goes to a summer camp five days a week for six hours for kids with behavioral problems.

she is in puberty and miserable.

she has this look on her face like hell took a big shit on her head and smeared it all over her. She sit outside by herself and playsw twinkle twinkle little star on a small keyboard and looks like she is going to cry the whole time. I have never seen her cry though, but i also have never seen her mother cry or show any real emotion.

she hates herself so much, that when you bring her to get ice cream she refuses to pick something, she will eat whatever you are eating.

she talks to herself and pulls out her hair.

i was standing there watching her mow the grass as she sing to herself looking miserable. and it hit me what other option could she have.

it is like you go to an amusement park, you laugh and have fun, you go to a restaurant and eat and drink,everyone else is laughing so you laugh too.

each situation has its demands.

your dad is a crack head in prison that abandoned you and your mother never speaks situation.

that has very few options,

1. misery.

2. suicide.

3. act out. or be an ass to get attention.

so she's miserable.

one time i was a young college kid type of indie bar.
it was on the west side of youngstown in a crappy area, not the worst, but crappy.

this old crack head walked into the bar because the crack head bar down the street kicked him out.

the bartender who was in college and had like four million absurd beliefs (Misial's girl in Treatise, my version)

the bartender started telling him to get his life together, that he could start over and all this crazy shit.

the man looked confused like a space alien was talking to him in space talk.

i don't know

we all have limitations to things we can choose.


Anonymous said...

If she's really pulling out her hair, that might be a sign of trichitillomania, which is uh, like something you should get checked out.

adam said...

This helps some things make sense for me. And, I hope, other people. Thank you.

Noah Cicero said...

i don't think she has trich.

she only does it when her mother is in the room.

most of her main acting out problems occur when her mother is in the room or she knows it will piss her mother off.

which all leads to attention.

which is sad.

when she is with bernice and me, mowing the grass, swimming, etc without her mother being there, she acts normal but with a miserable look on her face.

i'm not sure what normal.

people with kids or have been near kids will understand what i mean i think.

somebody said...