I've written I think six books and a lot of pages that were never published.
But as time has passed I do not write much anymore.
I would like to say something wonderful and sophisticated about how it is the publishing industry, how I am disillusioned with agents and publishers.
But that would not be true.
I think I started writing because my parents and the people around me would not listen to me speak.
I think I spent the first 23 years of my life without anyone ever actually listening to me talk.
The Human War is kind of about that, everyone is speaking and no one is listening.
There was no communcation.
And I had to communicate.
And I thought perhaps if I wrote it down and sent it out to the world there would be people out there who would listen.
I felt very voiceless.
I still feel voiceless.
But not in the same way.
My life is different now.
Those people who refuse to listen, who were so succumbed by their herd thoughts that the very concept of taking in any information was impossible are gone now.
Now there are people around that listen when I talk and who I enjoy listening to, that surround me.
It is like this, I felt like my parents and the people around me were walls, huge thick metal walls with guards at the towers shooting down at me. And that was the catalyst for why I wrote.
To break down those walls.
There are no walls anymore.
My feet are free.
No walls surround me now.
No one terrorizes me now.
When I walk to the kitchen, I walk to the kitchen and get myself a drink. I pick up the drink and bring it to my lips, and swollow the cold soda and it feels good.
When the spring wind hits me, it hits me, i let it hit me, it feels good.
When the sun shines, I point my face to the shinning sun, the rays hit my face, and I like this.
When a kid at work tells me his family won't speak to him on Easter because he is gay, I know what to say, I say, "Well, I think you are a nice person." And I know I am not alone and I let him know he is not alone, he is up against some metal walls himself.
Someone tells me, "They are going to do an operation on my leg, they are going to cut out a bump and test if it cancer or not."
I don't tell that about God, or anything, but politely say I hope everything goes all right. And always make sure to ask about it. Because I care, and I want him to know it.
And Bernice has two nephews and a niece and they have no dad because he is a crack head and in prison. So I go over there and we do things together. not because of duty, but because I think they are nice kids and are fun to spend time with.
I will write randomly as the mood takes me. I have no doubt of that.
But, I don't know, I'll leave you with this:
Elwood P. Doud: Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar
Elwood P. Doud: Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
Elwood P. Doud: Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.