Monday, February 26, 2007

Oscar winners at this blog

CRANK

This movie stars Jason Statham who is awesome.

This movie is only like an hour and a half long like all good movies are.

There is a lot of killing, ass kicking and guns.

There is some sex and boners.

There is also drug use which is awesome.

The movie is funny and makes fun of itself.

those are the things i like about movies.

Movies should have like ten people get killed, people getting punched in the face, sex, and not a lot of talking.

Movies like that are not like books.

If books are like that they are movies.

If books have like ten killings, drug use, sex, and ass kicking they are like movies.

Crank and Pirates of The Caribbean are awesome because there is adventure and killing and drugs and all kinds of crazy shit that supply a carthesis.

If you want to do take part in a slow art without killings and drugs and sex and ass kicking read a book, movies that are slow and pretend and I mean fucking pretend that their characters resemble real people infringe on book sales and overall suck, the movie Happiness sucks. The only good scene in that movie is when the child molester tells his son he would jack off on him.

Saw 3 was another good movie, a lot of killing, a lot of good ol'fashion murder in the name of an American going nuts.

Final Destination 3, another good murder movie.

Oh fuck, how could I forget the Hills have Eyes, probably the best political movie of the year.

and Hard Candy, there was not a lot of murder in it, but there was a hara-kiri at the end, which i love.

Best actor: Jason Statham
best actress: Kate Beckinsale in Underworld evolution for looking hot in that outfit and killing like a good woman should.

5 comments:

Ned said...

Hard Candy sucked (ask Nick), but besides that, I agree. My dad falls asleep at any movie where less than 10 people die. I wrote on my blog about all the movies I have fallen asleep in--they are legion.

colin bones said...

crank was good. pirates of the caribbean was shit (especially the second one). hard candy was bad but cool looking and provocative i guess.

i think a movie should be good and have action. take 'Children of Men' for example. the movie resembles a blockbuster in the amount of action (and completely surpasses in quality of action) as well as being thoughtful and at least somewhat concerned with important issues. i would have given that movie a lot of oscars.

also i think small realistic movies can sometimes be more cathartic, to me at least. when i have so much to relate to and my issues are being worked out on screen i feel the same release of tension as i do when i see jason stratham put broken metal bicycle pedal foot holders on his feet in a field of oil and kick people with them.

both types of movies have a place in film world, and it is wonderful when a movie can combine the two (be huge and violent and also somewhat realistic and contemplative) successfully.

adam said...

You should totally see District 13. Imagine Jason Statham if he could climb up and down the sides of buildings like Spider-Man without a ton of special effects or stuntmen and you've got the two main characters. I know Statham kicks ass (I haven't seen Crank, but I saw The Transporter), but District 13 is pretty goddamn cool too.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only person who got that this was sarcastic?

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